Eric alone on the Columbia River.

Eric and his kayak on the bank of the Columbia River in Golden, BC.

I am not fond of doing stuff by myself.  It takes much more determination to achieve some objective if I have to do it alone.  Much of the time it cannot be helped.  My partner in crime, my wife Kathryn, has not been well now for going on seven years.  There are things or days where she can manage, and when she just can't.  We used to do it all together.  Kayaking, hiking, shopping, exploring via car, and so on.  Many of those activities are just too much for her.  So, I either do it alone or not at all.

This isn't always true as I have buddies that I can explore the universe with.  My amigos and I have done many wonderful things together.  The problem though is that Kathryn is alone when I toddle off on some expedition.  She can manage somewhat on her own, but the truth is that it is all just too much for her.  Thankfully my daughter, Leanne, is often available to help out if I am gone for an extended period.

When we are traveling, like this past summer, it often is just Kathryn and me.  During those times I have to make a choice:  Stay around or toddle off and explore.  I can often make myself busy around camp or at home.  There is always something to do and I have my photography which keeps me busy.  The outdoors calls to me though and I have to get away once in a while.  Usually, it is only for a few hours; it is enough to paddle about or hike a trail or perhaps visit some interesting venue.  Again though there is the problem of doing it by myself.

Let me share something with you which you may not know about me; I have a lot of anxieties.  Fears, uncertainties, what-ifs, and even guilt all play a role in keeping me from going off and doing my Lewis and Clark imitation.  The important part of all this is to find a balance between my needs, Kathryn's needs, and to push past the inhibitions which would prevent me from doing the things I love. 

I have always been better at handling adversity and being adventurous when another person is present.  It is one of the things I love about being married.  We tackle the world together.  Even when Kathryn is having a bad day we find a way to enjoy each other's company.  Good days allow us to venture out.  Most days involve considering a myriad of variables before coming up with a plan.  In the end, though, we are doing well.  I find that doing stuff by myself isn't so bad knowing that, afterward, I get to return home to my life partner.  Tomorrow is a new day and who knows what awaits.